Homemaking the highest wage of love

In the wee hours of the night, the sounds of rustling around and little slow whines soon to develop into a full infant cry, wakes me up. Each new day is mostly like the last, filled with toddler wake up calls, making lunches, cups of coffee, house chores, changing diapers, running errands, answering to my 3 year old "mom... mom... mom" requests, snacks, nursing my infant son on demand, more house chores, doing most things with 1 available hand while holding baby, planning and cooking dinner, dishes, sharing stories, hugs, kisses and bed time routines. Once the day is done and the kids are asleep, silence fills the air and it's all too easy to continue on the path of production of getting done "all that I can, while I can." I take very little time, if any time to sit, lay, rest or relax the ever-running mind of mine. Yet, on the occasion that I do, I find myself sitting up in bed in the dark, as my husband sleeps, my eyes wander to my sons crib and I watch him as he sleeps. I wonder what he dreams about, what his little mind must be thinking. I replay the day and all the silly faces he made, all the smiles he made, his sweet little sounds and smell the scent of spit ups on my shirt. It's as if I yearn to wake him up to see his smile and smell his sweet breath... But why, why when he's sleeping so sound and at 1:00 in the morning when I should be getting some sleep of my own? I guess you could call it my moments of gratitude. It's in these moments that I can hear my own self think, I can spill out what I'm most grateful for each day in my life. It all sounds so cliche and yet it's not done often enough as we get so caught up in that hustle and bustle of everyday life, days past much like the last. So, I take these moments to appreciate life's biggest blessings and the day to day life I get to live out as a wife and mother. I smile as I change my sons diaper in the middle of the night, as he stretches his little body out never even opening his eyes, I kiss his little lips as he snuggles up in my arms and falls back into a deep sleep, I kiss his chubby cheeks as he sleeps and whisper "I love you." 

Yes, everyday I eat standing up with a baby in my arms on most days, I run up the stairs down the stairs back up and go round and round between the three of my littles... But because of them I laugh, I learn, I grow, I smile, I feel the love of my kids and give the love of a mother that is a privilege not all women get. Sure I've given up many things to be a stay at home mom, but that little compares to what I have gained from being a stay at home mom. I am thankful for each day I am given to be their mommy and to see their smiles, hear their laughter, triumph over trials and fears and smell their not good and not so good smells :)  The oh so tough job of being a homemaker is by far the most rewarding career of my life. It has given me many things, among them, growth, reward, obstacles, challenges, values, time and the highest wage of love. It's the little moments that count the most and it's the moments that we take the time to appreciate and express our gratitude for what we do have and get to do in this life. It is all a blessing, no matter how big or small you think.  I challenge everyone to take a few minutes each day to think about what life blessings you have and be sincerely grateful for them, not thinking about what's on your calendar for tomorrow or worry about anything, just live in the moment and be happy for what is. 

Marriage values to last a lifetime

1. Love is blind

 1Corinthians 13:4-8 says it best: "Love is patent and kind; it does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it's own way; it is not irritable or resentful' it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believe all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." 

Being in love doesn't come with age or any prerequisite experience necessary. Being in love comes from your heart, a deep significant place in your soul that radiates from within outward. A feeling strong enough to withstand the toughest storms, loving the imperfect person perfectly for whom they are and are not. Love does not require materials of this world, good looks nor perfection, it requires nothing. Loving my husband is something that God and my soul chose for me, it's a feeling so deep and pure that I would not compromise this space in my heart solely for him for anything or anyone. It's something worth fighting for, if I had to, because it's one of a kind. We can love many people, but each one we love uniquely.  

2. Respect is everything

There were many years that we painfully struggled through our relationship and marriage. Now, looking back, our missing key ingredient was respect. We had to become open to learning each others limits and boundaries. The process for us to get to this point was not easy nor pain free, however we both agree it was absolutely necessary in order for us to grow into the unconditional level of respect we now have for each other. This doesn't mean that we always agree, nor that we always stay within the bounds, because we are imperfect. What it does mean is that we understand that there is always a respect I hold high for my husband, as a man, as a leader and as a father, that no matter what, I can reach deep within myself, and choose to come from a place of understanding him, having compassion for him and respecting him. Respect each others space and listen by being 100% present and engaged. 

3. Intimacy is always open for improvement

Intimacy is always open for improvement and should remain that way. (that is my opinion) You cannot forgo excitement and adventure in this time, it will only bring about ordinary routine & lack of communication. Its critical that we communicate our not only all our needs, especially the intimate ones and desires to each other and also be willing to be open to listening. It is no surprise that we are not born telepathic mind readers, so therefore what we withhold from our spouses can not be fulfilled.  

4. Trust is gained and can be regained

In my relationship, we have had a great deal of broken trust that had been created between the two of us. Infidelity, invasion of sacred vows and conscious and unconscious emotions and stories that we keep buried. It took us years to even learn where to begin to rebuild, but the one thing we both we clear on was that we both wanted it more than anything or anyone in the world. I think the biggest thing is that the focus was not on "rebuilding trust" the focus was on building and learning the values of a relationship starting with the undeniable hope to make us succeed. I believe we all have a past, we're human, we all make mistakes, but neither of those define us, better yet they have guided us to the point we are now and with that, we get to choose where to go from here. Every second that comes upon us, is a gift, a moment to change your life.

5. Communication speaks volumes

Literally.... My husband is my safe place, my best friend whom I can tell anything to without judgement, my listening ear and the best advice giver. He's the first person I want to call or tell something to as soon as I know it or think it. Sometimes I catch myself texting him 30 minutes after he's left for the office, just to share a funny picture of our kids or something randomly funny that happened.  Communicating to each other isn't always effortless nor does it always go the way we may have it planned, yet its a major foundation in the relationship. We must let down our walls that block others out from the deepest parts of our hearts and soul and let them in. Sharing is the pathway to growth and opportunity. It opens a doorway to togetherness and opportunity for learning about each other, sometimes things that most don't know or will never know because that is a privilege of marriage.

6. Everything is already perfect 

We go through life thinking "everything has to be perfect" and we strive for perfection, however we forget that everything is already perfect. Going along I myself was forgetting that very valuable lesson, worried about things being perfect. My husband and I were in the car driving back from LA when in the middle of a deep conversation about how his day was, he said: "Because everything is perfect, just the way it is." The tears began to roll down my face behind my sunglasses, it struck a cord with me so much that I physically felt it in my heart as I realized how true it really is... Everything IS perfect.
Everything in this exact moment that we are in right now, as you read this, the weather as it is, the sound of your kids asking for another cup of apple juice, your cell phone ringing, alarm clock buzzing, dog barking, ticking of the clock or that relentless task you must complete each and everyday... It's all perfect. We may be striving for perfection in our lives but as we are on our journey, we must be mindful that everything is already perfect just the way it is. Perfectly aligned for our own destiny in which we don't know the outcome or what lies ahead, so how can we determine what is not perfect? The greatness we get to become, we get to see, be and do, is perfectly lined for us, god makes no mistakes about it. So remember that no matter how imperfectly messy things seem or feel to be, they are perfectly happening for a reason in our life.

7. You find out who your friends are

Your husband is and should always be your best friend!  How beautiful it is to have a home in the heart of a friend. A friend that you know like no one else knows and the other way around. A home that is so deeply rooted in unconditional love and commitment that nothing of this world could ever destroy it. I've had many friends in my life, some have come and gone and some have stayed, yet it is without doubt that my strongest most faithful friend is my husband. He is the one friend who always has time for a cup of coffee to talk, makes me laugh when I need it the most, wipes the tears from my face when I'm upset, listens to my joys, gripes, and hormonal rages and still loves me, shares secrets, dreams, and stories with, and together we raise our children with unified values. Though many of us have friends that share many of the same things, no one will ever compare to the friendship that you share with him. Stay committed to your friendship with him, think of your relationship as a friendship growing stronger each day, being there for each other, supporting each other and loving each other no matter what.